The Fast Flipping Jukebox

I’m freaking myself out these days as I realised that I can hardly conduct a coherent conversation without pausing too much to think of the appropriate word to use for expression. This is kind of strange as I always believed that my train of thought is based on any language that I have access to. I have thus discovered that it is not entirely so. I can actually think of an idea or concept and not have the words or language to express it without intensive thought.

This isn’t a good ORD present.

Not to mention, I seem to be losing control of my thoughts as they speed past so fast that I hardly know what I just thought about. Not to mention the absentmindedness and really short linguistic memory. It also seems to have a side-effect of causing insomnia. Feels like the mental degradation that I’ve started experiencing since Sec 2. Could it have been OM training that once stretched my mind and that the lack of it now which is causing this mental dystrophy?

Another costly by-product of NS.

With my logical reasoning out-of-control at time, emotional management goes haywire. Things that I don’t have to consciously deal with starts to come in and pile up. Then, my mood gets awfully affected. I’m glad I don’t have the urge to drowning myself in alcohol as it’s an unfortunate positive feedback loop. Imagine feeling depressed and one keeps consuming depressants?

Drives me nuts.

Maybe all the above are just side-effects of my trip to Australia. We had really poor sleep cycles as we were subjected to 26-hour shifts to maintain 24-hour manning of the place. In addition, during the off-shift periods, the only time when it is possible to sleep is during sun-down timings. Coupled with a horrible, narrow and short cot bed, sleep quality is no make-up to the deprived sleep.

Back in Singapore, I still have “Jetlag”, wanting to sleep at 8 pm (10 pm), waking at 4 am (6 am) the next day. I’m trying my best to readjust my sleeping hours by sleeping later, hoping to wake up later, but so far it isn’t successful. I still wake up at ~4 am. I believe that I’m sleep deprived to some extent.

Mental service injuries?

I think my action plan for the next few months immediately after my ORD would be to engage more in thinking conversations or witty games (which I missed since school ended). Maybe (re)learn a language? German or Japanese looks easy enough. I’ve got all the necessary reference materials in my shelf already. In addition, I think musical (re)development would help in some obscure way — I shall give my piano and guitar some good tickles.

Then I was wondering, would rearranging a new bookshelf for my overflowing pile of books help? It sounds pretty fun and would make things a magnitude neater. Hopefully driving some order back into my subconsciousness.

Emotionally, running back into the embrace of our Heavenly Father works all the time. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.